I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
