I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
