fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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