winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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