Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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