You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
