It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
