I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
