We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
