I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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