Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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