i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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