After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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