sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
