He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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