Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
