I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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