you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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