ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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