I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
