Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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