my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
