You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
