she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
