Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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