You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
