6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
