I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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