I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, beer. Big fan.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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