Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
