Your face is a jimmy john
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
