it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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