Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
