a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
