allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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