So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
