I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
