SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this just has baby written all over it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
