He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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