If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
