I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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