I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
