i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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