and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
