This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
