Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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