Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Less talking, more tequila
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
