I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
