I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
