Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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