My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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