Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize