even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
