At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
