6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
