do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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