Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
